I’ve been home from PAX for a few days now, and finally convinced myself to make a write-up much like last year. It’s a tad long, with a somewhat absurd level of detail, but I wanted it to be as encompassing as possible so I’ll never forget the awesome time that I had. Anyway, read on if you dare...

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 I started my PAX journey Wednesday morning, when I caught my shuttle bus that took me on the two and a half hour drive from Flagstaff to Phoenix. I actually arrived in the airport early, and was absolutely shocked to see how empty it was. There was no line whatsoever to get through security, and after only about two minutes I was good to go. That’s slightly better than the last time I went to Seattle, which was over Easter and required about an hour to get through.

Upon reaching the gate I turned on my laptop and realized via the sidebar weather gadget that it was raining in Flag. It then hit me that I forgot to close one of my windows before I left... the window that is right above the power cords to my 360 and TV. Fuck. I quickly texted my roommate, hoping that he was going to be home at some point in the day, and then once again focused my mind on the upcoming awesomeness.

After chilling at the airport for a few hours Mercedes showed up. Of course, being the gamers that we are, immediately after exchanging hugs we sat down to our laptops and began to game. Mercedes hopped on World of Warcraft, while I busted out Halo 2 PC. Shockingly, games tend to eat away at laptop batteries pretty quickly, so after a few minutes we went in search of outlets, a quest that showed how stupid Phoenix’s airport actually is. There were two outlets at the gate next to ours, but they were right in the aisle where people get on and off the plane. We figured that wasn’t our problem though, so we plopped down and began charging everything, much to the chagrin of everyone around us.

Welcome to Seattle. Please turn off all electronic devices.

The flight went well, except for some infant who didn’t know how to be quiet for more than ten seconds at any given time. Like last year, I was able to play my DS without going aggro, though I did end up putting it away early because Geometry Wars was being a bitch. We were met at SeaTac by Chloe, Eric, and James, who had landed shortly before us. Though James is pure evil and my arch-nemesis, I didn’t want to cause collateral damage to the terminal or civilians, so we refrained from engaging in the much anticipated battle royale. Maybe next time.

Much like last year a beer run was necessary before we could return to Eric’s house, though this time it didn’t involve hitting every grocery store in the Eastside, and only one Safeway was exposed to our antics. While leaving the parking lot we noticed Max pull in, but apparently he’s not the most observant of Scots, and he drove right past us, completely oblivious. We chased him down and went to get some pizza, but finding it already closed (it was only about 9 pm. WTF?) we all headed back to Eric’s and ordered in.

In what has become a PAX tradition, we settled in and watched Grandma’s Boy. I still say that movie is fucking hilarious, and even though it’s definitely a stoner flick, it’s a must-see for all gamers. Innuendo, gaming stereotypes, and toilet humor, what more can you ask for? We then moved on to Rock Band for most of the rest of the night, quickly playing through just about all of the main songs in the game. Though I’ve played plenty of Rock Band at this point, I always had problems paying attention to when I had star power (or overdrive, as it’s called in Rock Band apparently), which resulted in Chloe constantly yelling at me to use it. Like most occasions when she yells at me to do something, it worked, and by the end of PAX I definitely had a better grasp on it.

Thursday turned out to be a nice lazy day. With the exception of Eric, who made a run to Costco to pick up more stuff for his upcoming party, we all got to sleep in and prepare for the inevitable sleep deprivation of PAX. Well, maybe I should say that we had the option of sleeping in, because I definitely woke up a few hours before everyone else with a cat in my face, couldn’t fall back asleep, and resigned to hop on my laptop and explore the internets.

That evening Chloe, James, and Eric went off to a dinner with some MVPs, but before they left they warned me not to burn down the house if I tried to make something to eat. Please, just because I’ve caught macaroni and cheese on fire in the past doesn’t mean I’m a bad cook. Still, Mercedes and I decided not to risk it and just made some Chef Boyardee, which was still tricky even with my awesome food preparation skills. We then played a ton of Rock Band, but switched it up a little from the previous night. Merc tried out the drums, and I attempted to do vocals for the first time. I definitely wasn’t great, but at the same time I was surprised to discover that I didn’t completely fail either. It was actually a lot of fun. When everyone got home from the dinner we kept playing, but I was quickly banned from the vocals. Apparently Chloe and James didn’t think it was my thing. Oh well, bass is good too.

Rock Band: even more fun when connected to Live.

After playing through Rock Band for the second time in two days we all moved on to other things, but kept up the laziness. Well, except for Chloe, who had clan work and some writing to do. We also watched Romeo Must Die, which I have never seen but had all of the exaggerated violence and action that you would expect from a Jet Li movie. Though I hadn’t really thought about it until this writing, it seems like watching martial arts movies has become another PAX tradition, and that’s fine by me.

We started off Friday by heading out to Red Mill Burgers for the community Meet ‘n Eat. The place wasn’t too packed, probably because it’s a few miles from the convention center, but there was still a decent turnout, and interacting with the community is always a fun thing to do. Major was there of course, as were Trixie and the Marine, and the guys from GamerDNA also made an appearance. They explained their startup, and it actually seems like they’ve got good direction. I’m anxious to see where they go with it.

Upon arriving at the convention center, everyone else broke off and I was left to go to the will-call line to pick up a badge, since they were good enough to fuck up and lose mine in the mail. Turns out I wasn’t the only one though; KP showed up and needed to pick up his media pass as well. We waited in line for more than an hour before KP noticed that the line for media/VIP/other cool people was actually very short, so he broke off to go grab his pass. What seemed like another eternity passed by and I finally got to the front of the line. I had my badge receipt ready and expected to have to explain my situation and the mail clusterfuck, but no. I just gave them my name and they handed me a badge, that’s it. They didn’t ask for ID, they didn’t check a list to see if my name was on it, they just gave it to me. It’s almost like they figured that anyone who waited in line for two hours deserves their pass, regardless of whether you were supposed to be in the line or even ordered a badge. Oh well, I’m not going to complain.

I made my way up to the show floor and started mingling and searching for people, but without too much success. I finally saw Sara and chatted with her for a bit, then linked up with Mercedes, but soon ventured out on my own again to check out the booths. There were a number of impressive games and booths, but I was still keeping an eye out for friends. Eventually I walked right past Morgon, Eric, and Chloe, and wouldn’t have noticed them if Morgon had not yelled at me to turn around. Kind of makes me wonder how many other people I walked past over the course of the show...   

We hung around the show for a while longer, accumulating a few more people, and then decided to go out and grab a bite before heading to the GamerDNA party at the Hyatt (you know, that hotel where cool people make pillow forts). Surprise surprise, the restaurants around the convention center were a tad busy, so after a while of waiting for a table at the Tap House we decided to bail and just go to the party.

We hadn’t seen James since the Meet ‘n Eat, but I had heard a little earlier that he was apparently hanging with Jeff, so when I saw Jeff at the party I asked him where James was. “Uh... James who?” was pretty much his response. So I told him “James. You know, lith?” He insisted that he didn’t know any lith, and if someone was following him around he definitely wasn’t aware of it. Basically, we lost James. Great. Turns out he wasn’t lost or dead though; he eventually he showed up at the party, and when I told him we though he was hanging out with Jeff, he responded with “Um... Jeff who?” I still have no idea how we got the idea that they were together, since they didn’t even know each other yet, but the failure of communication amuses the hell out of me.

The GamerDNA guys threw a great party, and knew the key to it was one thing: Rock Band. Yes, even though we had already gone through the game more than once over the previous two days, we were still more than willing to get in and play when there was an opening. The first song we played was Still Alive, and as soon as we started pretty much the entire suite shut up and just watched (something that didn’t happen with other songs). It might just be a little obvious that we’re all gamers eh? 

Unfortunately, that whole hunger thing set in, and we made the call to bail out early. James, Merc, and I met up with Jeff and Jay and we went down to the Fox Sports Grill to grab a bite. Apparently they ran out of buns, so they ended up serving my burger on bread. I’m sure the food shortage had nothing to do with the thousands of gamers who had been stopping by throughout the day. Morgon joined us a little later, and by the time he placed his order they were out of bread too. It’s official, PAX makes Seattle run out of food.

Jeff, Merc, James, and I then headed back to Eric’s to chill for the rest of the night, though since Eric and Chloe were still out we essentially had to break into the house. Eventually they got back, having gone to Gasca’s birthday party after the GamerDNA party, and with them they brought three more houseguests: Danger, Cori, and Ryan (which is still nothing compared to the 15 or so people from last year). We all hung out for a bit, but I decided to crash early. Sitting in the will-call line, coupled with having had very erratic sleep over the past week had made me a bit aggro, and I didn’t need to subject people to it.

Chloe, Cori, and Danger went with Max to the show early on Saturday. Though I would have liked to go to see the Halo Wars and New Xbox Experience demonstrations, I decided that it would be better to catch up on sleep so I wouldn’t break Wheaton’s Law again. So I went in a little later in the afternoon with James, Eric, Ryan, and Merc.

Shortly after arriving we stopped by the Harmonix booth to see their Rock Band 2 setup, complete with a stage for attendees to get up onto and play. As expected, the line was damn long, but being the hero that he is, Morgon showed up out of the blue and used his skills as an omeganaut to get us all to the front of the line. With James on drums, Morgon on vocals, Merc on the guitar, and me on bass, we rocked out to More Than a Feeling. Although I personally thought I could have done a little better, the crowd around the booth seemed to approve of our performance.

As if we hadn't played enough Rock Band already.

We then headed over to the Bungie booth and played a few quick games on Assembly, the new map previously known as Purple Reign. Though I didn’t win my game I was still impressed that I didn’t completely suck, considering how little Halo 3 I’ve played in recent months. James and I wanted to go for the Recon challenge, but the lines were immense, and we both pretty much had a “fuck lines” philosophy, so we decided to put it off for another day. Also around this time we realized that we had yet to have anything to eat, so James, Mercedes, and I linked up with Ryan and we headed down to Pike Market. It’s a bit of a walk, but the lines down there were much better than at the convention center.

We went home a little earlier that evening since Eric had to watch the Ducks’ game against Washington, which he said he hasn’t missed in more than 10 years. Chloe passed out pretty quickly, and gasp shock, the rest of us played some more Rock Band. Say what you want about the game, but it has amazing replay value. Later in the night everyone else came back to the house and Chloe woke up, and we attempted to clean up the house a little bit for Sunday’s party. I say “attempted” because besides putting games away and recycling all of the pop cans sitting around we definitely didn’t get too much done. However, I did finally spend my two minutes with Avatar, adding another 1000 GS to my tag, and we were able to catch a couple episodes of InuYasha, so I consider it productive. On the downside, I said something to provoke Chloe (I don’t even remember what), and she kicked me in the crotch. I’m used to the physical abuse, but ouch.

Watching James play Geometry Wars really got a few of us in the mood to blast shapes, so rather than take turns we jumped into some co-op. James, Ryan, and I, and for a little while Merc, dove into Sequence in an attempt to actually finish the gametype from hell. If you though Geometry Wars was an intense game when playing solo, then you need to jump in with a few friends. Between the overly-serious strategizing, flipping off of the TV, and non-stop swearing, I think it was apparent that we were getting a little aggro. The lack of bombs and shared lives made the game damn hard, and we rarely got more than halfway through. So we did what we do best, we quit and sat down to watch Meet the Robinsons before passing out.

Geometry Wars. It's like crack... only bad.

Eric and Chloe decided to stay home Sunday in order to prepare for the upcoming party, so Ryan, James, Merc and I called a cab to take us downtown. Despite the fact that the taxi had a GPS navigator, the driver still couldn’t find the house, and ended up calling us for directions. I’m really starting to think that Eric lives in another dimension.  At any rate, we made it to Pike Market and visited the donut shop that Ryan had been raving about. In retrospect, buying four dozen may have been a bit much, but they were damn good and very cheap, so we ate what we could and donated the rest to Max at the Bungie booth.

We then played some more Assembly, showing little regard for lines (hey, we just gave them donuts), and while I completely failed with only six kills, James ended up winning the match. For his triumph he was given a Prophet of Regret action figure from the giant swag box, which got passed down to Merc. However, Mercedes wasn’t entirely happy with Regret’s ugly face, and when we returned to the Bungie booth she went to Max and had it exchanged for a Master Chief figure. Personally, I find exchanging a free prize to be hilarious, but I don’t blame her. The Chief clearly owns the Prophets.  

Having gotten our Halo fix we made our way to the Xbox booth, where we finally caught the demonstration of the New Xbox Experience, after two days of trying to make it to one of the demos. I know there is still a lot of doubt about NXE, but needless to say, actually seeing it in person will make you much more comfortable with it. It’s quick, easy to navigate, and the new guide is just awesome.  While talking to Larry at the Xbox booth we met Dustin Burg of Xbox 360 Fanboy fame, who quickly recruited James as his doubles partner against Bungie in the Recon challenge. Their match was the very last that Bungie did for the show, and although James played just as well as he normally does, he and Dustin lost to Luke and Shishka in a close 10-9 game. In his own words, James can not haz Recon.

Though we had spent most of the day trying to find a ride back to Eric’s, by the close of PAX we still found ourselves stranded at the convention center. It was a bit of sick irony, that we were the people actually staying at his place for the week but we seemed to be the only ones with no transportation out there. In the end Merc and Ryan (along with Dustin, who got invited following the Recon shenanigans) got a ride from Jeff, and James convinced Larry to come out and get the two of us. It was a win-win; we got a ride, and Major now had no excuse to miss Eric’s party. Still, he couldn’t stay long. Something about an anniversary...

I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but Eric’s party was even more packed than last year. I don’t even want to estimate how many people were there, but it was quite difficult to move around, to say the least. By the time Major, James, and I showed up it was already busy, and it got even crazier as the night went on. We played a bit more Sequence, and failed just as badly as the previous night, but decided to quit before getting too aggro. In a very nostalgic moment I noticed that Halo 1 was being played on one of the TVs, and Morgon, Jay, and myself played some snipers on Hang ‘em High. I haven’t played that game in years, and it’s crazy how differently it feels from Halo 3 or even Halo 2. 

Jeff, though he claimed he wasn’t going to drink much, managed to get quite hammered, and began flinging bottlecaps at people. Getting them to go straight seemed to be a challenge, but when he moved on to chucking ice cubes he had less difficulty. Lucky for me Fatty made a good human shield. Jeff then moved on to searching for the coveted bag of Doritos, which he was convinced somehow got upstairs. After waking up Jay and searching the room for the chips he passed out on the futon that I had been using, but not before telling me he would only give the futon back if I brought him more Doritos. About that... 

Naturally, Rock Band was the center of the party for many people, and when some of the more familiar songs were played just about everyone sang along. Apparently when you have several dozen people, most of them drunk, singing Say it Ain’t So at the top of their lungs it’s kind of loud, and it seems the singing could clearly be heard all the way down the street. That really doesn’t surprise me, though it does shock me that nobody called the cops because of it. There were plenty of hilarious or notable incidents that occurred that night, and I can’t get into them all, but what stands out right now as the funniest for me was Fatty climbing the back of a couch along a wall while yelling “I’m glitching!” Drunken gamer humor for the win eh? Perhaps the strangest part of the party was that with the exception of Jeff and Jay (and those of us who were already staying) nobody passed out and crashed at Eric’s place. By 4 or 5 am everyone had cleared out and gone home. That’s a very different situation from last year, when there were people sprawled out all over the house. After the party had ended James and I played a few quick final rounds of Rock Band, he stumbled and fell ass-first on a glass that completely shattered, and then on that note I decided to crash for the night.

 I woke up Monday morning definitely not wanting to leave, so I pretty much remained in a state of semi-sleep on the always-comfortable bean bag chair, figuring that if I don’t get up then logically I don’t need to go home. Eric and Jay were watching Casino Royale though, and the damn movie ended up grabbing my attention and I got up. Max was kind enough to offer to take Ryan and myself to the train station and airport, but when realizing that I would be sitting in the airport for about four hours I decided to go wake up Jeff and see if he could give us a ride a little closer to when we had to go. Amusingly enough, I also figured out that Jay was on the exact same flight as me, and was using Phoenix as a stopover on his way to Atlanta. So we woke Jeff up from his catatonic state and convinced him to give us a lift a little later by reminding him that we brought him Doritos the night before (nevermind the fact that we didn’t). We relaxed for the next couple hours before saying our goodbyes to Eric, Chloe (who appeared to be slightly sleep-deprived), Merc, and James (the two of whom didn’t have flights until later in the day), and then set out to SeaTac. Like always, after making it through security I got lunch at the airport Wendy’s, though Jay did not seem pleased with the $6.66 cost of my meal. After boarding and taking off I stayed awake just long enough to get a good view of Mount St. Helens in the distance, before completely passing out and sleeping for the entire flight. I must have been seriously sleep-deprived, because I have never slept during an entire plane ride in my life before.   

After landing in Phoenix and saying goodbye to Jay I went outside the terminal for my shuttle back to Flagstaff, and was immediately hit with that horrible valley heat that would make any ordinary human burst into flames. Even better, I then got a call that my shuttle was in traffic and could be up to an hour late. And so I sat outside in the 100 degree temperatures waiting, wondering why I was living out here instead of in Seattle. My shuttle eventually showed up and I got back to Flagstaff where the climate is a little more tolerable, but the question is still in my mind. As expected, PAX was fucking amazing, and also as expected, I find it more difficult to leave Seattle every time I go up to visit. Bring on PAX 2009 already!